The political timeline of Dr Sean Edward Roche - my son-in-law

December 2012

Shares the photo launch of the National Health Action Party

January 2013

Selected as Head of Strategy for NHAP

September 2014

Wins by-election for Stratton-on-the-Fosse East replacing the Conservative incumbent who, having claimed expenses for a suit of armour, fell on his sword and died of septicaemia after being held in the casualty waiting room for 3 days.

September 2015

Keynote speaker at the 1^st NHAP party conference held on the second floor of the Travel Lodge in Sturminster Newton. He makes a triumphant debut on Question Time completely eclipsing Janet Street-Porter, Lord Bruce Forsythe and the latest winner of Britain’s Got Talent

December 2015

David Cameron cancels Hogmanay to the anger of the Scottish Nationalist Party. He reverses the decision and is diagnosed with Meniere’s Disease after too many U-turns. He is replaced by Boris Johnson who immediately shoots himself in the foot and is admitted to the King Edward Hospital for Officers. This is closed the next day as a result of budget cuts and he limps home. NHAP gains 4 seats in constituencies that have no Primary Healthcare hospitals. Sean turns down the offer to become Speaker of the House of Commons.

February 2016

27 of the 46 Police Commissioners are de-selected following the disclosure of links to three national protection gangs – the Cons, the Libs and the Labs. The other 19 could not be found after becoming lost and unable to find a policeman to ask for directions. Sean becomes Patron of MenCap

July 2016

Boris Johnson bombs Iran but misses. President Homer Simpson tears up the Special Relationship. Sean crosses the house to join the alliance of the North Cornish Nationalist Party and UKIP and is immediately promoted to the Ministry of Transfusions and Sticking Plasters previously known as the Treasury. The waiting time for non-urgent surgical cases is now extended until 3 weeks after you are dead saving £17.68 billion allowing the new fifth London airport to be built at Haverfordwest. The Secretary of State for Transport got a D in his Geography GCSE.

October 2017

The coalition of the NCNP, UKIP and NHAP forms a new party named Consignia. Greece repays 76 trillion drachmas to Greater Germany previously known as the EU. Lord Sean of Wayford Bridge elected President of England now that Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and Warrington have achieved independence. He is carried in triumph on top of an open topped bus down the A303 where it gets stuck in a traffic jam at Stonehenge. While waiting for two days for the traffic to clear he is anointed Head Druid to pass the time.

Boris Johnson apologises to Coventry, Clerkenwell, Canterbury, Turks and Caicos Islands – and Iran. He resigns to spend more time with the family circus. The snap General Election results in a landslide victory for anyone unassociated with any of the three main political parties.

August 2020

Sean resigns the Presidency to spend more time playing obscure music tracks to Scottish Blackface sheep on South Uist thereby increasing their wool yield. Lady Tamsin has a sell-out exhibition of her sculptures at the Courtauld Gallery. Among the buyers were Charles Saatchi, Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber and Banksy.

Enough already!